I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's blow job season.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
