I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
