Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
