your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
