Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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