The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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