i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
