Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
