I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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