Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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