Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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