My sheets look like a crime scene.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
