Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize