Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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