I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
