if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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