Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
