Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
