Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
