Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
