toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize