I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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