I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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