She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
