so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
