And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
