I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize