I wish life had little blips of pornography
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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