you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
