Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
