That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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