Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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