and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's official drugs can't kill me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
