she woke up with a sticky ear
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
