i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
