i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
