I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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