apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
