I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
