after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
