I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Farmville is her only friend.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
