It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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