why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize