can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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