is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Randomize
