i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
