I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
