I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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