Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
