elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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