..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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