mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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