i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
