very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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