Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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