Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
