I'm going to jail i love you
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
