I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I did not marry a roomba.
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