I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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