Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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