Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
