It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
