she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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