piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
