Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
