we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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