Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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