I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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